He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
