I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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