best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
