$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
