Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
