dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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