I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
