Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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