Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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