I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So here I am, sexting at work.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
