where am i from again
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
