when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
