come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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