like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
