Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
