i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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