i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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