Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
