having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
