my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
