she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
