I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
