Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
