I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
