guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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