You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
