We're like a lot better than the average bears
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
