How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
