I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
