yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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