Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
