So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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