the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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