Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
