wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
