I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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