i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
