Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
