my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
