the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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