i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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