So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
