a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
