he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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