My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize