; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
