This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
