i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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