(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
