Betty ford says i'm here all night
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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