I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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