oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
